Here are some (Jim) Dandy recommendations for the genius Homeland Security chief Napolitano to implement at the airports:

1. Triple the security staff at all airports and unionize them with SEIU members. Tell all passengers to arrive at the airport one day ahead of schedule to allow for the new union work rules to be effective.

2. Any passenger with a double or triple Islamic name like Abdullah, Abdullah or Abdullah Mohammed Mohammed Abdullah, should immediately be profiled and subject to water boarding by a security employee wearing a Dick Cheney mask.

3. Implement an express lane for anyone wearing a turban or carrying a Koran.

4. Anyone carrying a violin or guitar case should immediately be made to play the instrument for the multitudes of waiting passengers.

5. All passengers over 75 years of age must be stripped searched in full public view. If they are in wheel chairs, the wheel chairs must be dismantled and reassembled by 3 SEIU TSA employees.

6. Infants and toddlers must remove all clothing prior to being "puffed".

7. Lock all bathrooms on flights of 3 hours or less. Sphincter muscle exercise videos must be shown on these flights.

8. Play a video from President Obama informing the passengers that he is doing everything to keep them safe and secure (with a disclaimer that there are no guarantees in life).



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