President Apology Obama tried to put the nation to sleep last night by answering 13 puff ball questions from a fawning media. I love the format - 10 minute opening statement, then 13 handpicked reporters to ask easy questions with no follow-up allowed. The part that really galled me was his lame comments about torture. In particular, he claimed that waterboarding authorized by the evil President Bush was torture and the information it gained could have been obtained by other means. Oh, really?

Not one reporter called the President out on this ridiculous statement. For example, "Mr. President, please explain how a ruthless terroist who is known to slit  victims' throats, bomb innocent people in public places, and threaten to blow up the United States on a daily basis, is going to provide us information if we cannot "torture" him?"

Mr. Obama would answer: " There are several humane ways to ask these combatants to cooperate with us. We can threaten them with Jack Bauer 24 episodes. Or we can make them listen to all my speeches from my first 100 days without any sleep. How about making them watch Joe Biden reruns from all his appearances on Meet the Press?"

"As I said before, we will NOT torture, even if the United States is in eminent danger of being destroyed. We have our values to project around the world regardless of the consequences. I am a student of history and I know appeasement can work for a while.  We will expect these enemy combatants to abide by the Geneva Convention and give us their name, rank and serial number. We can then Google that information and stop any terrorist attack within minutes. Take my word for it. We do not have to torture anyone. I am the President of the Planet and no one wants to harm us now that George Bush is gone."


 
 Don't Worry, We Will Not Torture You